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雅思写作范文及解析-教育类

2018-06-12 留学监理网

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雅思写作大作文中,题目中会给出一个看法、问题或议题,考生需就此进行论述。根据不同的情况,考生可能需要针对问题提出解决方法、论述和证明一个看法、对比和对照论据或看法、或者评价和反驳一个论点或观点。这篇作文的内容是学术性的,因此考生应该运用正规的学术写作的、议论性的文体。考生应注意完整地阅读并回答题目中涉及的问题。考生应在写作中注意对所有的观点加以充分论述,并且所有的观点都与论点有关。考生应严密地安排选择论点、选择最为相关的论点,并在规定的时间内清晰、准确地写作成文。


文章字数不能少于250字,建议考生用40分钟完成。作文二比作文一所占的分数比例要大,如果考生没有完成这部分内容成绩将大打折扣。这一部分考察的是考生对一个论点进行论述、并提供清晰的论据或举例支持论点的能力。考官将对考生组织这些信息的能力以及语言使用的准确性进行评分。


下面来看一篇来自剑5 Test 2题目的范文及解析。(This model has been prepared by an examiner as an example of a very good answer.)


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Topic:In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.在一些国家年轻人被鼓励在完成高中学习和开始大学学习之间工作或者旅行一年。讨论年轻人决定这样做的优点和缺点。


第一段:It is quite common these days for young people in many countries to have a break from studying after graduating from high school(it 引导的形式主语从句). The trend is not restricted to rich students who have the money to travel, but is also evident among poorer students who choose to work and become economically independent (副词的使用)for a period of time.


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第二段:The reasons for this trend may involve the recognition that a young adult who passes directly from school to university is rather restricted in terms of general knowledge and experience of the world. By contrast(介词短语), those who have spent some time earning a living or travelling to other places, have a broader view of life and better personal resources to draw on. They tend to be more independent, which is a very important factor in academic study and research(非限定性定语从句), as well as(连词) giving(分词作状语) them an advantage in terms of coping with the challenges of student life.


第三段:However(副词), there are certainly dangers in taking time off at that important age. Young adults may end up never returning to their studies or finding it difficult to readapt to an academic environment. They may think different from a university course. But overall, I think this is less likely today, when(when引导的非限定性定语从句) academic qualifications are essential for getting a reasonable career.


最后一段:My view is that (表语从句)young people should be encouraged to broaden their horizons.That is the best way for them to get a clear perspective of what(what 引导的名词性从句) they are hoping to do with their lives and why. Students with such a perspective are usually the most effective and motivated ones and(并列句) taking a year off (动名词短语做主语) may be the best way to gain this.


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Analysis


本文话题:空档年


A.表层分析:


1.贴近话题以及亮点词汇: economically independent, general knowledge, experience of the world, view of life, personal resources, academic study, readapt, academic qualifications, horizons, perspective, effective and motivated,


2.固定搭配:见原文加粗内容


3.语法广度:(每种一个示例,其它见原文粗体标注) 在七八种以上,准确性优秀。


It做形式主语的主语从句:It is quite common these days for young people in many countries to have a break from studying after graduating from high school.

表语从句:My view is that young people should be encouraged to broaden their horizons.

非限定性定语从句:They tend to be more independent, which is a very important factor in academic study and research, …

现在分词作状语:as well as(连词) giving them an advantage in terms of coping with the challenges of student life.

what 引导的名词性从句: That is the best way for them to get a clear perspective of what they are hoping to do with their lives and why.

动名词短语做主语:Students with such a perspective are usually the most effective and motivated ones and(并列句) taking a year off may be the best way to gain this. (并列句)


B.中层评析:(观点和逻辑展现)


1)观点:暂停一短时间学业的优点大于缺点


2)结构:

Introduction:对背景信息进行详细陈述(“空档年gap year”的现象)

Body 1:举例论证——该趋势的优势。

Body 2:举例+让步转折论证——该趋势有一定危险性,但是这些缺点发生概率很小。

Conclusion: 总结自己的观点——优点大于缺点


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C.整体分析:

TR:结构清晰,举例说服力强,论证逻辑合理。

LR:用词准确,贴近话题。

CC:连贯性强,结尾清晰点明立场。

GRA:语法广度和准确性优秀,非限定性定语从句多样(when, which引导),总体语法亮点在七八种。

 

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